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青岛托福培训-看破最熟悉的陌生人之托福写作举例论证(下)

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   发布日期:2016-08-11 08:26

摘要:由于篇幅有限,在上一篇文章中我们只说了一半对托福写作举例论证的介绍。下面,我们继续来看托福写作举例论证的相关内容,考生们继续跟着青岛朗阁小编来看吧~

  由于篇幅有限,在上一篇文章中我们只说了一半对托福写作举例论证的介绍。下面,我们继续来看托福写作举例论证的相关内容,考生们继续跟着青岛朗阁小编来看吧~

  看完这个部分,托福写作考生们可以对比着来思考几个问题:

  1.这个例子跟题目中的courses有什么关系吗?

  2.例子能起到证明立场的作用吗?

  3.三句话中间有严谨的逻辑衔接关系吗?

  很明显,这个例子中对于托福写作题干的关键词只字未提,完全看不到courses的身影,不仅如此,这个例子中更没有提到对于working environment以及所谓的“tasks”; 另外,三句话中式思维非常明显,句子之间并没有清晰的逻辑关系,特别是第二句和第三句之间的逻辑衔接更显得有些霸王硬上弓,不会办公软件就一定要无路可走、只能被开除吗?如此一分析,可以看出,该托福写作考生虽然会用for example, 但所举的例子跟观点句基本可以说没有半毛钱关系。

  我们将上文修改后的例子和中心句衔接在一起,并稍加改进,形成一个基本正确的托福写作主体段如下:

  First of all, by learning courses offered by universities or colleges before starting work, students can be more familiar with their future working environment, and therefore easily take up the tasks their bosses give them. For example, in the working preparation courses in our university, I, a so-called office lady now, learnt how to use basic office facilities, such as printers, photocopiers, fax machines and so on, which may be strange to a common graduate. Therefore, I have never been bothered with the trifles taking place in such aspects, which means I can adapt to the working environment faster and focus more on things assigned more important. It is obviously easy to imagine that thanks to the courses, students could have a better start when their identities change. (128 words)

  由此,我们总结出举例论证中的第一个常见错误:例子不能证明观点。对应的提示即为,例子需要对整个观点起到呼应及支撑的作用。

  我们再来看另外一道托福写作题目:

  Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

  It is important to know events from all over the world even if they are unlikely to have any effects on your daily life.

  这是一道很经典的老题了,曾经多次出现在北美及大陆的考题中(如070429, 141018等)。我们首先依旧从不同的角度分析一下这道托福写作题:从题目类别上来说,这道题可以归属为个人生活类题目,并且题目并没有明确地限定“people”的具体内容;从答题角度来看,这道题可以归类为利弊分析型题目,无论是否同意,考生重点需要论述的是“通晓世界大事”的利与避;从题目内容中看,让步状语从句的存在让整个题干变得不是那么单纯,很明显对题干中的“events”进行一个加强:题目中的events不仅仅指普通的events, 更指那些可能对我们生活没有任何影响的事件。

  对题目进行了一番基本的解析之后,我们还是来看一位托福写作考生写的一个段落(该考生立场为agree):

  First of all, knowing these events can make us more popular at work or in school. It is obvious that our horizons can be broadened more and our insights towards different things can be much deeper. Gradually, we can have a large stock of knowledge. When chatting with others, we can easily find topics to avoid awkward silence and make others feel that we are knowledgeable. So they will be more ready to communicate with us. For example, my cousin usually likes to pay attention to current affairs. When his classmates ask him some events, he can always help them analyze the whole events. So his classmates all like him very much. In contrast, if we know nothing with the events that happen all over the world, it may be difficult for us to find things to talk, so few people will be willing to have a conversation with us. (142 words)

  抛开语言不谈,我们来仔细分析一下上面段落的结构。相比于刚刚看到的另一个考生的段落,我们能够清晰地看出,这位托福写作考生的段落层次是很清晰的,在连接词的使用上也是清晰、灵活且正确的:First of all, … It is obvious that … Gradually, … So … For example, … So … In contrast, if …, will … 如上这些衔接方式把整个段落分成了四个层次(如上文的四种颜色),该考生整个段落的写作思路也非常的简单明了:中心句-解释(因果论证)-举例-对比/假设,尽管最后的对比/假设稍显啰嗦。

  下面来重点分析下她举例论证的部分。首先需要思考的是,例子是否论证了前面的论述。

  乍一看,我们会觉得这个例子是扣题准确的,因为它基本回应了前面的几句论述。但细想下,其实有些地方还是不太对的,哪里呢?请注意几个字眼:… pay attention to current affairs … some events … analyze the whole events … 这几个字给人些什么感觉?无疑有种说了跟没说似的感觉:什么affair?哪件event?怎么分析的?为什么就被喜欢了呢?显然这种缺乏细节的托福写作例子会让人有种感觉叫做,把前面的论述套上了cousin重新倒了一遍车轱辘话的感觉。

  这里即是我要说的第二个问题:缺乏细节的泛泛例子。怎么写就好了呢?答案即添加细节。

  Sample 2:

  For example, my cousin usually likes to pay attention to current affairs, such as the US presidential election and the latest progression of Syrian Wars. Even though these affairs seem to be far away from our life, he could clearly elaborate and analyze the backgrounds, reasons and effects of these events. Thanks to this, he gains a great deal of popularity and admiration in his school and even his teachers are willing to discuss relevant events with him.

  请注意对比一下上文和之前托福写作例子的部分,很明显一些细节性表达让整个例子有实际内容,而不是泛泛而谈。重新整理过的整个段落如下:

  First of all, knowing these events can make us more popular at work or in school. It is obvious that our horizons can be broadened more and our insights towards different things can be much deeper. So when chatting with others, we can easily find topics to avoid awkward silence and make others feel that we are knowledgeable. For example, my cousin usually likes to pay attention to current affairs, such as the US presidential election and the latest progression of Syrian Wars. Even though these affairs seem to be far away from our life, he could clearly elaborate and analyze the backgrounds, reasons and effects of these events. Thanks to this, he gains a great deal of popularity and admiration in his school and even his teachers are willing to discuss relevant events with him. That is to say, being well-informed brings more benefits other than being well-informed itself. (150 words)

  以上就是在托福写作举例论证这个“最熟悉的陌生人了”,朗阁智美老师为考生们分析了容易被忽略的两个要点了,希望考生们能够不仅会用for example, 更能用对exemplification。青岛朗阁智美专注于托福培训,更多问题可以咨询在线客服哦~

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